Good thing I have this blog. I can pour my thoughts here since I cannot tell everyone what I am going through. Bear with me for being too emotional. It is better like this than to react to the situation like an ass. : )
The only doubt that I have with this relationship is if we could really end up together for the rest of our lives. The larger share of pie says it won't. But hey, we did not care about that. We tried. Poured our love the best we can. We both feared the idea of not being together anymore. We took care of the relationship. We shared laughters that will echo forever. We have walked millions of steps together that will leave tracks only us can see. We have coined words only us can understand. We had tons of moments that can be cherished until beyond our time. And even had tears flowing that will remind us that at some point we never wanted to part ways. Well, the agony is much heavier than what we expected. I will only see smile if your face comes to my thoughts. Because I love you that much.We both had dreams. I embraced those hopes as if it's just a stone's throw away. I don't want to disappoint you in any way, so I made myself ready if ever at least a single dream comes to reality. I have my own plans for you too. For you to become as happy as I can make you. To be emotionally secured. The biggest of them all is to look at your face every morning for the rest of my life. Even you becoming a TL is what I think you ought to be. In the span of 2 years I have known what you are capable of. I never doubted your ability and believed in you and will always be. Because I love you that much.
I want to make it clear that I understand why things are going this way. I understand the situation. You have so much to attend to. Being a mom, you have to do almost all by yourself and add to it you being a new team leader. I feel the load of your responsibility. Of all that have to be put aside, it has to be me or us. I am willing to accept whatever you decide. I know it is for our own good. You know I listen to you. You have all the reasons to sideline me and I respect all of it. Me, I just cannot allow myself to turn my back while you are hanging up there. I'd rather see myself hurting than me causing you pain. Because I love you that much.
I have no regrets or anything like that in my heart. Others might say those were 2 years lost in my time but no it was worth all the wonderful things I can ever ask for. I fell in love with the most wonderful woman ever to grace my heart. The woman that brought my self esteem back. The woman that picked me up and gave me hope. You made me want to live life straightforward. I don't know if it is unconditional love but I want to think it is. My time for you has been my priority because it was my choice to be there whenever you need me. I want to serve you. I knew the woman you are. I do not want you for a possession. Something to look at like a painting or an ivory box. Something to own and to display. I wanted you to be real. I wanted you to have your own thoughts and ideas and feelings even when I held you in my arms. I know you will agree that my love for you is as honest as it can be. There maybe shortcomings in between but I learn from those. Because I love you that much.
Missing you is not the hardest thing to fathom but the idea of you being around no more is just what kills me.It hurts to be in this situation again, but what can I really do if that's what fate serves me.Bottom line of these all is I trully accept whatever you think is best because I Love You so much.
