What Can I Really Say?

Good thing I have this blog. I can pour my thoughts here since I cannot tell everyone what I am going through. Bear with me for being too emotional. It is better like this than to react to the situation like an ass. : )

 The only doubt that I have with this relationship is if we could really end up together for the rest of our lives. The larger share of pie says it won't. But hey, we did not care about that. We tried. Poured our love the best we can. We both feared the idea of not being together anymore. We took care of the relationship. We shared laughters that will echo forever. We have walked millions of steps together that will leave tracks only us can see. We have coined words only us can understand. We had tons of moments that can be cherished until beyond our time. And even had tears flowing that will remind us that at some point we never wanted to part ways. Well, the agony is much heavier than what we expected. I will only see smile if your face comes to my thoughts. Because I love you that much.We both had dreams. I embraced those hopes as if it's just a stone's throw away. I don't want to disappoint you in any way, so I made myself ready if ever at least a single dream comes to reality. I have my own plans for you too. For you to become as happy as I can make you. To be emotionally secured. The biggest of them all is to look at your face every morning for the rest of my life. Even you becoming a TL is what I think you ought to be. In the span of 2 years I have known what you are capable of. I never doubted your ability and believed in you and will always be. Because I love you that much.

I want to make it clear that I understand why things are going this way. I understand the situation. You have so much to attend to. Being a mom, you have to do almost all by yourself and add to it you being a new team leader. I feel the load of your responsibility. Of all that have to be put aside, it has to be me or us. I am willing to accept whatever you decide. I know it is for our own good. You know I listen to you. You have all the reasons to sideline me and I respect all of it. Me, I just cannot allow myself to turn my back while you are hanging up there. I'd rather see myself hurting than me causing you pain. Because I love you that much.

I have no regrets or anything like that in my heart. Others might say those were 2 years lost in my time but no it was worth all the wonderful things I can ever ask for. I fell in love with the most wonderful woman ever to grace my heart. The woman that brought my self esteem back. The woman that picked me up and gave me hope. You made me want to live life straightforward. I don't know if it is unconditional love but I want to think it is. My time for you has been my priority because it was my choice to be there whenever you need me. I want to serve you. I knew the woman you are. I do not want you for a possession. Something to look at like a painting or an ivory box. Something to own and to display. I wanted you to be real. I wanted you to have your own thoughts and ideas and feelings even when I held you in my arms. I know you will agree that my love for you is as honest as it can be. There maybe shortcomings in between but I learn from those. Because I love you that much.

Missing you is not the hardest thing to fathom but the idea of you being around no more is just what kills me.It hurts to be in this situation again, but what can I really do if that's what fate serves me.Bottom line of these all is I trully accept whatever you think is best because I Love You so much.

I Just Remember

Father's Day last year, I was buying 625.

Lungkot Much!

Know what? I just don't know what to do. I doubt if you will read this in the soonest time.

I have been holding myself back in reaching out to you 'cause you might still be very stressed and I might just disturb you while I fear that you might drift too far from me until I can't reach you anymore.

If you think I am OK, basically I'm not.
I act as if I'm strong about it but you know I can't endure you.
I just don't want you to feel it. You have so much to think about and I don't want to add myself into it.
My silence is another way of my continuous support.
Everyday I look forward that you might drop me some message, a call or even seeing you.
Call me crazy but I still whisper good morning, take care and goodnight everyday.

I have been working overtime at the office until weekends because demands from client have been so stiff.
I am going through work related stresses too but that just cannot eclipse your silence. I have accepted tons of tasks to keep me busy just to realize you and work can never really be on the same page.
I still instinctively take a pause and think of you, glance at my phone and even look at the last message you sent just to feel as if you are around.
I call everyone so that somehow, I have someone to talk to. I have been cramming myself daily on what to do when I come home at night, for at the end of the day, my mind would still go home to you.

Of course, I don't want myself to be a total mess. I still want to be sane.

I am telling a sad story here, and yes, I am sad and yes, your absence drove me to tears and yes, it hurts but those do not make my love less.

The irony of these all? I don't feel any anger, hatred or remorse. It's just missing you badly.
Bring me back to day 1 and I will still walk the same path or maybe avoid some significant bumps.

A Song For The Previous Post

I have said this in my previous post and I think I just found the song for it...

There are too many ways to show how special you are just for a single reason.

Because of LOVE...

I can't stay away from you too long
Even if I do I'll always call
Checkin' on you make sure you're ok
Be the one to brighten up your day

And the point of it all
Is I love you
You know I love you baby

My days seem long whenever we're apart
It's like someone had thrown away my heart
You're a major part of my life
And no matter what the storm may bring
I'm fine with you,

And the point of it all
Is I love you
And the reason for it all
Is I love you

O I love
O I love you
O my love

I can't stay away too long
I can't stay away from you baby
Don't wanna be without you
I need you
O why don't you stay around for awhile

And the point of it all
And the point of it all
And the point of it all
And the point of it all
Ohhohh, and the reason for it all
And the point of it all
Is that I love you
Yeah, I love you

Whenever we're apart
It damn near starves my heart
And I don't ever want to be apart

Ingats

Kumusta ka na?

Ingats!

...

Still nothing from you. This is the most I can do. Talk to you through here.
I cannot text or call you. It will make time even worse.
Hope things are going your way now. I want to picture you as relieved that had a well rested weekend. Please take care always. Wherever your silence brings me, nothing will change in how I feel for you. I love you still. I can't take that off me. I just want you to be happy.
I miss you! Ingats papasok...

...

Pagpasensyahan mo na kung ano ano napopost ko dito. La lang talaga kausap. Kung anu ano na ang mga nailagay ko malibang lang. Nga pala, nacucurious din ako kung kumusta ka sa pagiging lead. Halus nung naging lead ka kasi nahassle na oras mo.

Sunday...

Miami won! :(
Pacquiao loses! :(
I'm at the office! :(
I don't mind those.
But being not hearing from you still?!? :((( That is just the worst!

This may be very typical for you, but still,

GOD, I Miss You So Much!

Morning

Morning! Off to office OT...

Sorry...

I am so sorry about the call. Nagdalawang isip ako kung itutuloy ko tumawag. Di ko natiis. Sana naintindihan mo kung ba't di ko natiis. Dala lang ng pagaalala.

Nakigamit ako ng phone wala kasi ako pantawag.

...

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you
in time 

It's easy.

Goodnight!

Our Words Dictionary 1.0

agta - down to earth
akyat - punta sa taas
amishu - namimiss
anunatayu - di alam ang ginagawa
ayoko - magiingat papasok
basta - wag kang matanong di ko sasagutin yan
bebek - naglalambing
bekit - malanding tanong
borlogs - matutulog na
boto mo - tumigil ka
boy abunda - ang daldal mo tumigil ka na. dami mong topic
ditey - nagaantay
dukit - walang ginagawa
emode - matakot na ako? kasi mananahimik ka?
first honor - matalino
formality - reverse psychology
gate - mayaman
gh - shopping
goodragid - manlalampaso nang stat
hhhaaayyy - di mo ako nagegets
hikol - di mapakali nanaman
inah - jean grey
ingats - magingat ka talaga
ingleserong emo - ako
jabi - : )
jean grey - inah
journey - : )
juyapuki - mga taga makati ave.
kipay -daing
korektebels - sumasangayon si anabelle rama
M - W
magic word - antok
mechadong afritada - nagmamadali
morning - ikaw ang simula ng araw... akitikiti
mornyt - matutulog na after ng shift
mwahugs - tagal na to ah
nyt - ikaw ang katapusan ng araw - akitikiti
our bus - basta
paslangin - tapusin
puksain - yariin
siomai - sa kabilang dulo
sunugin - parusahan
taas - doon
tryk - kakaalis lang
tupis - madami ka niyan
W - M
wampis - na maong? nagpahanap pa sa ibang bansa : )
wuvyu - as it is
you like - gusto mo?
yumuyolanda - umuulan

Mga Maliliit Na Bagay Pero Nakakainis

- When someone speaks in English at the top of his/her lungs during a normal conversation in a public place just to  give everyone an impression that that someone is smart or to gain attention is an attention whore... (ooopppss english di ako yan)
- Malamang alam mong mataba ka kaya umayos ka ng upo sa FX
- Maligo ka naman kapag mamamasada ka. Alam mong mainit ang jip at umaalingasaw na amoy mo
- Naging bingi ka kasi ayaw mong iabot ang bayad.
- Kung anu ano na sinuot mo. Di na bagay kapag pinag sabay sabay. Makaporma lang
- Mga ganitong status:
       o Nakakainis! - Ituloy mo. nag aantay ka na may mag comment na bakit bago mo ituloy?
       o On my way to megamall
       o Watching Avengers
- May kwento ako sa'yo, mamaya (kilala ko ang nagturo sakin na mainis sa ganyan)
- Maya't maya ang check-in at post mo sa FB, Twitter, Instagram at Foursquare kasi bago ang iPhone mo o ang Galaxy SII o ang Galaxy SIII
- Palibhasa magisa nalang akong pasahero pinapalipat mo ako?
- Nagipon ipon na kayo sa may pinto ng tren ang luwag sa gitna
- San ka ba talaga uupo? Uupo ka ba o tatayo?
- Dami nang tao sa platform nag skip train ka pa.
- Malapit ka na sa destinasyon mo, gumagapang ka pa din para suyurin ang mga pasahero.
- Di naman matrapik pero ambagal mo magpatakbo.
- teka wala na ako maisip...

huhuhu namimiss na talaga kita!

If Only I Can Send This Mail

 Hi Leads,

Joseph and I have discussed the possible issues that may occur during the execution of all the JCLs involved in this ENVI Refresh.

1.        Number of JCLs – at least 200 objects that we will have to edit first before running

2.        Runtime of each job

3.        Possible errors – during past experience in running JCLs that execute program(including the routine within the executed program), there are instances that the program is not compiled in the environment and also some BIND issues.

4.        Deadline (June 11) - irevokable deadline

With these, we want to request a 48-hour budget for each environment. Our plan is we will work on this from Thursday (June 7) until Sunday( June 10) daily, 12 hours each day. This is to maximize the time. Also, will there be a SUPPORT from SDC during the weekend work?

Hiiiyang Hiya Naman Kami Sainyo Noh,

Itaremington

Today is June 6, 2012. 

It has been :

845 days

2 years, 3 months, 25 days 

73,008,000 seconds

1,216,800 minutes

20,280 hours

120 weeks 

Panoramic Keyboard

How To Handle Stressful Situations

1. Talk to someone. Talking to someone you know and trust about your problems will help you get all your feelings out. Make sure you're not talking to anyone who will yell at you for something bad, or criticize your feelings. That will just make everything worse.

2. Stop and think. What is my problem? How can I deal with it?break down a bigger problem into smaller problems, that seems less threatening and easier to cope with. Write down ways you can overcome yourproblems.

3. Work one step at a time. Take very small baby steps and make sure you don't take any ones that are too big.

4. Treat yourself. Take time off to do something you enjoy, such as paly a favorite sport or go to movie with friends. Doing activities you like will lower your blood pressure and lift your spirits.

5. Take a deep breath. Inhale deeply for 5 seconds through your nose and out 5 seconds through your mouth. Doing this for a few minutes a day has been proven to help a person feel more relaxed. Also, taking warm showers will clear your head so you can think straight.

6. Reward yourself(or ako magrereward nalang sayo hehehe). After you have taken even one baby step, reward yourself by doing something you love to do. Keep it up and you will begin to associate conquering challenges with special awards. Keep in mind, though, that you will soon have to learn to just keep achieving goals, without the little splurge at the end, although achieving any goal is its own reward.

Hope this helps! : )

...

When this blog gets too busy than usual means I do not get to talk to you that often.

Eto Nanaman Ako

Everytime nangyayari yung hindi ka nagpaparamdam, ganun at ganun pa din ang pakiramdam sa akin. Nakakatakot, nakakakaba at nalulungkot. Di ko maiwasan yun. Nagaalala ako syempre kasi di ko alam kung ano na nangyayari sayo. Although alam ko naman na strong kang tao kaya mahahandle mo yan. Sa akin lang sana nakakatulong ako kahit papanu. Ayoko ko naman kasi na sa tuwing magaan ang sitwasyon lang ako visible para sayo. Gusto ko din madamayan ka o makatulong sayo kahit man lang motivation kasi alam ko physically sa sitwasyon natin mahirap ako makatulong. Gusto ko lang talaga na lagi akong andiyan para sayo.
Nakakalungkot din kasi ikaw na din nagsabi na, "di mo na kailangang sabihin na masaya ka kapag kausap ako kasi ramdam ko yun". Totoo yun. Kaya ambilis kitang namimiss. Hhhaaayyy!
Kinakabahan din ako kasi baka may nagawa akong mali na nagpapadagdag sa isipin mo. Kung meron man sorry. Alam mong ingat na ingat na akong gumawa ng hindi mo ikatutuwa kasi ten folds ang consequence nun. Takot ako sa'yo kasi ganun nalang ang respeto ko sa'yo.
Eto, nakakatakot kasi panu kung tuluyan ka nang di magparamdam? Kaya hindi ko tinitake for granted everytime na ganitong tahimik ka. Alam kong nakakasawa yung ingat, morning at nyt na araw araw mong nababasa. Pero araw araw ko din sincere na sinasabi yun.
Yup, aware ako na sobrang stressed ka. Dami mong inaasikaso ngayon. Di mo alam ang uunahin. Naiintindihan ko at tanggap ko na isantabi mo muna yung oras para sa'tin/sa'kin.
Nagaalala lang ako para sa'yo kasi hangga't maaari gusto ko relax ka. Nakangiti. Maligalig. Mataas ang energy.
Hindi ko na pinadaan sa text tong mga piangsasasabi ko kasi alam kong maiirita ka. Ginawa ko dati sa'yo yung kinulit kita sa phone lalo lang napasama ang sitwasyon. At ginawa mo din yan sa mga kaopis mong makulit magtanong kapag mainit ulo mo.
Basta aantayin ko yung oras na ok ka na. I will be ultra patient!
Ingat lagi! Miss you!

Good Morning

Good Morning! By this time as I compose this, you must be out there tiring. I really hope I can help you in any way to lighten up the burden you have to do. I also feel the pressure you are going thru. I know you will get through it and I am looking forward for you to cheer up. Please remember, you have someone in me that is always there for you. I have my free will to serve you in any way.
Whenever you are of great pressure, along with it is me missing the usual you. And I know you are aware that I am with you no matter how things are going.

Please Bear With Me...

Ramdam ko ang stress, pressure at pagod mo ngayon. 

Bagong role sa career mo. Tapos natapat pa na magsisimula na ang pasukan. 

At syempre wala ka pang yaya. 

Minsan naiisip ko na baka nakakaistorbo ako sa mga gawain mo. 

Sa oras mo.

Pinipilit ko na 'wag talagang makaistorbo o kahit makadagdag sa mga pagod mo. 

Para sa akin, ang isa sa papel ko sa buhay mo ay yung i-cheer up ka. Suportahan ka. 

Maging visible kahit ano man ang nararamdaman mo. 

Maligalig kaman o hindi, gusto ko na andiyan ako lagi para damayan ka.

Salamat dahil sa kabila ng mga yan, nakukuha mo pang ngumiti at makipagtawanan sa akin.
I will not take for granted all the time that I have spent and will be spending with you
even to the smallest moment

Salamat.

Someone is eager to say this and it is me,

There are too many ways to show how special you are just for a single reason.

Because of LOVE...

Malandi na ang malandi. : )